TERKERJAWB in TO

"Can I take this popcorn into the cinema?"


Oh, hello there again. Another month goes by, and another month is encapsulated into a short blog post. Well, that's what happens when... typing is a bit of an effort because you have a tiny keyboard?! Scrap that. On with the show.

So, when I last wrote sum werds on dis payge, I had just secured a job at the literal Theatre of Dreams, although not so much Dreams, just a Theatre. And spelt Theater, because apparently it's considered trendy to spell things wrong in North America. And for the past month, a great deal of my time has been spent inside it, selling drinks, popcorn, candy and nachos for RIDICULOUS prices for RIDICULOUSLY poor wages. But in spite of that, the rewards have been good. Plenty of nice colleagues, the bonuses such as; gift vouchers, free films (although I've seen more shite films than good - 2012 and The Men Who Stare at Goats were absolutely diabolical Jeff), the discounted food and free drinks and tea(!!) and finally having (some) money coming in, which has made me solvent in Canada at last. And apparently I will FINALLY graduate from being a popcorn bitch to getting to sweep cinemas and tearing up tickets soon, which almost seems a bigger achievement than graduating with a journalism degree. Sort of.

I have been pretty poor this month though, since the pay is obviously rubbish and shifts vary from plentiful to meagre, but I can afford rent (which I will come to), bargain food, the odd night out, the odd big big purchase and a metropass (godly).
I think the job will work financially for the time being, although with Christmas and some extra jobs coming up (I get to be a hotdog bitch for an NFL game in a couple of weeks, exciting), I should be comfortable like it was bloody September the 3rd all over again. However, I might have to scale down my ambitious plans to travel extensively next year and face the harsh reality that I'll be working somewhere else in this bloody big country at some point. Although...although.. I desperately want to get into bartending or serving or something, because that's where the money is. Tipping is ridiculous here, they tip on everything from coat checking to hairdressing, so I'm trying to crack that market. Failing that, get a journalism job, but.... that'd feel too much like a career.. and that wasn't really the point coming here.

But yes, it appears I am once again living the student lifestyle. Back to noodles, cereal bars and soup, sleeping in until silly times on days off and watching endless amounts of South Park. Only now I have the added bonus of 50 percent off at fast food outlets at work, meaning I get things like Whopper meals for three dollars, which for better or for worse, seem to keep me alive, but ironically, will probably kill me. I now also have more travelling than I did at uni, thanks to the location of my house, but the almighty metropass keeps me in business. Compared to travelling on the London Underground, the TTC (Toronto Transit..Cocks?) seems pretty reasonable to me; $2.75 for ANY journey in one direction, even if you took the subway, streetcar AND the bus, and doesn't give a shit about zoning - even then, people are always complaining about it. True, the system isn't a patch on Lundun's, but there's little complaints from me with this pass though, when you pay $100 a month and then just wave it at some TTC bloke's face and they let you on whatever and go wherever. Magic.

Now the reason I get so much use out of the pass is because of the said location of my house. At the backend of October, I was panicking a bit about finding somewhere to live with the deadline for hostel chucking out creeping up like a really nasty man. I looked around a few places, but finally settled on a quite studenty looking place on Dufferin Street, about 30 minutes from downtown. The rent is reasonable, there's laundry downstairs, the bus outside comes every 5 minutes, my bedroom has a big window and a tv (Canadian TV is still gash though) and there's constantly people around, usually ogling a big projector downstairs, which is a definite bonus. My housemates are cool and massively diverse (Canadian, Irish, French, Russian), a bit like the area itself, which seems to be a poorer version of Little Italy, which is full of fancy shops and shit, whereas my hood is mainly populated with dollar stores, but it's pretty quiet and I've yet to see any shots fired at buses (which has happened in this area before. No, really. And no, this isn't the ghetto at all, so don't...). I could end up moving if I get sick of the journey to work or simply not being close enough to downtown (it sometimes takes one hour getting to work if the bus and two subways decide to be shits) but I kind of like being away from the hassle and the hobos and the looming skyscrapers, so this will do for now thanks.

So yes, it appears I am finally settled in Toronto, with a house and a job and an endless supply of cheap food - I can't give No Frills and (suprisingly) Walmart, enough credit. 79 cent tuna?! Yer 'avin a laugh! And Walmart do bloody George clothes, my mum's choice of christmas present socks and underwear for me since I was five! Just like home!

With being a bit skinter, the fun has taken a bit of a hit recently, but I've still managed to have a right old good time - been oot and aboot a few times - Halloween was a particular highlight where budget zombie costume produced the goods in more ways than one, as was a British poker night where I came third somehow (and then afterwards eating nachos in a bar that served food until 4am, unbelievable) and I've also played a copious amount of Pro Evo at my mate John's place, which has made me think longingly about my Xbox at home, sitting there, not being used, slowing rotting, crying inside. Pain. And of course I've seen loads of films, for free. I also managed to get to my first gig since being over here at the start of November when I saw Gwar at the Sound Academy with my mate Tom, which was absolutely mind-blowing. I think Gwar are possibly my favourite band of all time due to their insane stage shows, and if you don't like them, check this out and then bow to me, cos I'm da best innit.

Toronto seems to have a reputation here for being unfriendly, and sometimes it can definitely appear that way, but I still enjoy the place, and big city living is still a massive novelty for me. Things just never end here. Everything is around the corner. Places you never knew existed become your favourites. And it appears everyone else likes it - at least two Brits I know who have left Toronto for other parts of Canada have since come back - this city is definitely a stable starting block - unfriendly and expensive but welcoming and opportunistic.. juxtapositionmentaltastic. I'll definitely stay here until at least Spring, when my patience for concrete wears thin and I long for bears, mooses and big mountains and shit.

Now, where's my snow you bastard?

Oot and Aboot

"Isn't he cute?" "Not really" "No.. his accent." "Oh.. yeah."

Oh dear, oh dear. This is turning into less of a blog and more of a bloody monthly Reader's Digest. With less.. err.. I dunno, I've never read it. It's got recipes in it hasn't it? Yeah, there's none of them. I'm going to start charging soon. Would you pay? Of course you wouldn't, what a silly thought.

So then right. Since the last time I posted, which is sickeningly over 6 weeks ago, a hell of a bloody lot has happened. Let me take you back to that time. I was still in a horrific hostel by the name of Global Backpackers Village back then, which now I am out of it's sordid grasp, I can honestly say was a complete and utter "sordid little grief hole", as a character played by Chris Morris once said. Oh, for hindsight. Anyway, I left a few days later and moved into another hostel, Hostelling International Toronto, where bizarrely, I still reside.

Anyway, more of that later. Around the time I first joined HI, I was still heavily focused on finding jobs. The endless cycle of CV handing out and bullshit cover letters and stuff isn't fun, and any preconceptions about the recession being any less over here were quickly dashed. Yeah, there is plenty of jobs about, but only with about a hundred billion applicants desperately clambering to make 25 cents by licking the shit off drive-thru banks. Probably.

Drive-thru banks eh. Fucking hell. One thing that hadn't at the time and still hasn't diminished is the sheer hilarity of Toronto. From the ridiculous adverts on TV, to the shop names (Excellent Haircut...Nice One Nails..) to the most insane things you've ever seen like.. a hobo shitting on a church (less funny, more gip-worthy)... they all just give me a very warped view of this city. And I have grown fond of it's twisted ridiculousness. Even the graffiti is better than Britain. I mean, I have genuine respect for people who dawb "Give up, you're too old!" over Jay-Z posters or scrawl "You're ruining our childhood!" over an Astroboy movie poster.

I don't truely believe I'm seeing the real Canada here, and I've heard this view echoed to me by other people. It's not started snowing here yet, it's getting cold a bit (I'm WELL not prepared for that), but Toronto does seem like a bit of any big American city I've seen on TV, with people who say "oot and aboot" and like waving their flags. It's extremely multicultural, which is of course, a good thing (+2 points for my liberalism there), but I think I shall have to wait until next year before I see the whole bear-moose-mountie thing. There's plenty of ice hockey ABOOT EH, but with the form the Toronto Maple Leafs are in, I think I'll steer well clear. Seven losses in a row?! Oh, how I yearn to watch highlights and goals from the INCREDIBLY mighty Leeds ripping up League One at the moment on the BBC Sport website. Bloody restrictions!

Anyway, yes. The job situation grated on me muchly, but plenty of things were going on. I happened to see Ricky Gervais in the street getting out of a limo at the Toronto International Film Festival which was nice, and definitely worth mentioning you "that-isn't-fucking-interesting-Paul"-tossbanana. Socially, I've met a helluva lot of English people this month, including my main boys and current room-mates in the rather nice HI-Hostel, the Room 801 West Yorkshire massive, Dan, Tom and Neil (AKA "the Nesbitt"). Yeah, they come from Bradford. What's that shit?!

I've also had SWAPers coming out of my ears (sadly not in reality yet...er..) and the majority of night outs have included some or all of them. The hostel itself throws up some interesting characters on occasion and we also got taught beer pong by some really quite young college girls before everything sort of went wrong, but that story isn't very interesting. Promise.

But yeah, that's right, I'm still in a hostel after seven weeks. But it's not a case of waking up to find a smelly Chinese bloke going mental inside a dustbin at 6am - after living with another two bloody nice chaps on top of the current Room 801 roster for a couple of weeks at the end of September, we booked into a semi-private room at the start of October, meaning it was just four of us. Cabin fever does occasionally set in, but no one has died. Yet. My bet is on Neil. Things like ninjavideo (New Peep Show is WIZARD!), Chris Morris quotes and a bloody amazing game called Simsoc (much recommended for fans of 96-97 Premiership footballers and early Champ Manager games) do make the time go quicker and provide us all with a bloody laugh. Like Neil.



We've managed a few nice trips during this month though as the job search sort of faltered and then finally succeeded. The CN Tower was a little bit of a let down (it's just a big tower innit) - the views were ok, but I probably would have felt a bit let down had it not cost about 12 dollars thanks to a left voucher from our fleeting friends Ozzie "croc" Melissa and Nic (she was from Bradford, what's that shit again). Niagara Falls was lovely though, despite being a load of old water - it was nice to get out of the city for a day and see some different coloured trees. Some bits were a let down though - the world's most dangerous whirlpool was a complete and utter scam and the supposedly picturesque Town of Niagara was overrun with tourist scum like ourselves. We also went to Woodbine races on Saturday, where we lost loads of money and cried ourselves to sleep on the way home on the bus.

Toronto it seems isn't a huge attraction place, so whilst I'm Toronto, I do plan to get out to some of the other famous cities around here - Montreal, Quebec City and Ottawa (where two of my room mates are currently doing).

So, onto jobs. Ah, firstly, one thing I did manage was to sign up to an agency on the spot in mid-September and find myself serving U2 fans hotdogs at two dates those Oirish dolts did at the Rogers Centre. Not much to report there, but on a side note, I found myself at the Rogers Centre quite a few times after this, bizarrely because I seemed to find myself drawn to baseball. I mean yeah, it could be because it was 11 dollars and I didn't have anything else to do, but the last game I saw was genuinely gripping, and I even ended up buying a Blue Jays watch for work! WORK! Yes, a few weeks ago, I got a call back from Scotiabank cinema, a cinema where I watched Inglorious Basterds at with my mate Mr Daniel Sawicki at the start of September (to review, it was ok, bit over-Tarantino-y, but whatever, I haven't even seen Pulp Fiction and even I made that judgement so it can't have been that good.. I've also seen District 9 which was bloody superb and Zombieland which was alright, wordy reviews over), and they gave me the job straight away at the interview.

In summary, it's minimum wage, and at the moment, I'm not sure I can live off it exclusively. But for what it is, after working about four or five shifts now, I can honestly say it's pretty good for a part time job. I finally get to meet some real Canadians and I get picked up on by my englishness a lot; take a look at that ruddy bold title at the top for a TERRIBLE example, but I reckon it helps - I sold the most popcorn/drink/candy combos last week, which was kind of the corniest and best thing ever, and I got a 25 dollar gift voucher for a restaurant AND I get to see the equivalent of a free film a week, so don't... Also, it means some of those lovely Toronto girls HAVE to talk to me..

In short, yes, I'm a journalism graduate who now works for Cineplex Canada and stinks of popcorn. Wandafideaboudid?!

Anyway, with some income coming in now, and with a bit of luck, an extra bit on the cards if I can find another job for over Christmas, I am in the process (I say process, that mainly just means wasting time on the motherfucking internet)of finding somewhere to live of my own for November.

And that's me for now. The Canadian dream is still alive! Things will change in a few weeks and I'll have to adapt or die. Stay tuned to see if I die. Hope you're having a nice time in Britain and go and check out my photos on Facebook you big spazz!

Well it's aboot time..

"FUCK YOUR COUNTRY! I'LL BLOW THE SHIT OUT OF IT!"

That particular American hobo walking down a Toronto street screaming profanities obviously doesn't like Canada. That's a shame, because from what I've seen and witnessed so far, I bloody love it!

I've been here in Toronto over a week now, and despite the fact I am yet to find a job or a permanent place to stay, I sort of feel as though I've settled in, even though everything is well up in the air... I've got used to being given 30 seconds to cross the road, to realising that prices don't include tax and eating Oh! Henrys. Yes. Oh! Henry. I mean.. what's that shit. Come on. Y'see, this being my first time in North America ever, the Americanisms hit me and make me laugh 10 times harder than people in my situation.

Anyway, I digress.. back to the start. After meeting some nice people at the airport last Wednesday and a not so gruelling eight hour flight (cheers, the American Office on demand), I finally arrived in Toronto on Wednesday afternoon. The approach on the plane over the lakes and then finally the city, with that big shiny needle up there, finally brought it home to me where I was... and fucking hell, it turned out to be real. After some fudding around at the airport and a pretty easy ride through immigration, we got to our pretty duff hostel (where I still reside, apparently it used to be a hotel where Jack Nicholson and the Rolling Stones stayed; I'm guessing it fell apart and so is now perfect as a cheap hostel) and stepped out into the city that hopefully I'll call my home for the foreseeable future. First impressions?! LISTEN UP OTHER CITIES. THIS IS HOW A CITY SHOULD BE! Clean, vibrant, everything seemingly open at all times (people want to buy TV's at 10pm right?), very friendly smiley people and despite the fact it's the second biggest country on earth's biggest city, you feel refreshingly safe wherever you go at any time (at least I have so far, not planning on visiting any crack houses just yet..)! The scale of it and the fact you can be in a seemingly entirely different neighbourhood after a short walk on tram ride is still very new to me, coming straight outta Menston yo. G. Innit.

So yeah, great city, wonderful. After the first night, where I and other group flight attendees crashed to our respective beds at a despicable 10pm from the lag, we had another explore the next day and since then I've filled most of my days up with a combination of dropping into the SWAP office (which has free internet and is sort of like a job centre but with less people called Daz) and wandering around the city aimlessly, gawping at Toronto's frankly stunning ladies, buying hotdogs and laughing at signs (A restaurant called "Feel like Crepe".. Anyone?). Sometimes at the same time. The amount of money I've been spending has been sort of ridiculous, especially since me and my homeboy Danielo have been trying to cover every fast food place in Toronto... (Taco Bellend is the winner so far).

But I've done a few things that are worth mentioning, in lieu of finding a job or a place to stay. The first week, we went to the baseball, which I'm afraid to say, was the dullest live sporting event I've ever witnessed. The Toronto Blue Jays beat them famous New York Yankees when we saw it, the Yankees scoring nothing at all. The players hardly ever hit the ball, one game appears to mean nothing (they play ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY TWO GAMES IN SIX MONTHS) and the beers cost ten dollars. That's not my kind of sport I'm afraid. Other than the baseball, I've also been to Toronto Island a couple of times, which is basically one massive park with some awesome views of the city. The first time me and Daniel went on Labour Day, and it was full of families, but me and a load of fellow SWAP lads went today and it was much better quieter and footballs (shove "soccer" up your arse) and American footballs were flying everywhere. I've also been out a few times with the BUNAC/SWAP people, who are all very nice, and despite the drinks costing an arm and a shitting leg, fun times I'm pleased to report are being had, so don't worry yourself. I'm yet to go up the CN Tower (which always feels like a euphemism) or get over to Niagra Falls, but they are definito priorities.

So yeah! All good things to report so far. Except the fact I just saw a mouse in the hostel. Probably should get out of this place quite soon, but I'm looking for a job before I commit to anywhere... Once that happens, the doom-filled feelings of running out of money and ending up like the many, many hobos on the streets of Toronto (that's a flaw) will disappear. Today I saw a hobo on rollerskates, holding a vase for his money. I applaud his creativity. Anyway, for now, I shall leave you and I promise to post shorter blogs in future...

Good night buddy!

I'm not your..............
..
.

Why you bought the wrong coloured box: Nintendo I wuv woo!

This blog is incredibly out of line with my other postings, but.. shut up. Here it is, first drafted before I even came to Canada. But it's as potent as ever. Especially since I miss gaming out here. A LOT.

The other night I had a dream that I was in a video game. I was stood in a room, and wave after waves of enemies kept streaming through the doors. At first, the enemies were rubbish sort of spiders that luckily, I could smash with an at hand black mallet. But progressively, the enemies got harder. Eventually, it turned out a bunch of indestructible Nintendo characters (I specifically remember Mario and Wario) were running at me, and instead of a black mallet, I was armed with a load of toilet rolls. Yeah, brilliant power up, thanks. So basically, after chucking a few rolls at them to no avail, the only option I had was to throw the characters themselves out of a nearby window. So I picked up Wario and threw him out of the Velux window, just like the one in my bedroom. I then looked out and noticed that all the rain gutters down the street were filled with soggy Nintendo characters.

Right so, anyway... the dream is blatantly a bastard offspring of the fact I've been playing a lot of Nintendo games recently. Through a combination of being skint because of the lack of shifts at work, the fact I have to save for Canada and being subsequently bored because I don't really have any money to do stuff, I've been spending some quality time in a low maintenance relationship with existing electronic boxes. I've been playing a lot of Xbox 360, which I love to bits, but recently I felt something was missing. That's when I discovered a Nintendo Game Boy Advance on Ebay for an amazing seven quid, with free delivery and bugger me, Sonic 2 Advance. Since then, I've been picking up classic GBA games such as Advance Wars, Mario vs Donkey Kong, Zelda Minish Cap and Warioland for a few beans each, and they're bloody brilliant!

Now, the last Nintendo console I owned was a Gamecube. I've shunned some of the new fangled bits of plastic for reasons I shall go into. But this purple (*snigger*) handheld has brought my unnatural love for a multinational corporation right back. But why the shit did I think that in the first place?

ITSA MEEEEEE!
Ninty, The Big N, McNin and the Ten Do... was an integral part of my childhood. After a few years of playing an ugly beige Amiga Commodore, my parents gave me a SNES for Christmas one year with Super Mario Allstars. I was probably about six or so. Suddenly, a whole new world was opened to my tiny mind. The thing was just... fucking cool! Colourful, fun and exciting. I may have come late to the Mario party thanks to being born late, but the compilation of NES remakes destroyed my Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle figures or even the frankly amazing Playmobil sets with the men that I used to chew the hair off of.



As it went on, games like Super Mario Kart, The Legend of Zelda, Star Fox, and the utterly beautiful Donkey Kong Country series continued to metaphorically suck me off. And as I gained ages, I went straight for a N64 over one of them vastly more popular, new-fangled, Sony Playstations. I remember playing Super Mario 64 in a shop just as the machine was being launched and once again, a multinational corporation managed to blow my now slightly older but relatively tiny mind. The game was fully 3D! Mario moved around like a real person! I'd crossed the fourth wall!

I dreamt about that game for a long time, and played it, and loved it as I did with a great number of classic N64 titles, some of which were made by other companies exclusively for it (Rare were also beasts, let's face it) - Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Diddy Kong Racing, Goldeneye (Me and my mate once beat a bloke who was offering 25 quid to anyone who could beat him at it at a Christmas fair, probably the best moment of my life. Absolutely no idea how we did it, we were both rubbish, but I played as Oddjob and ran around punching him in the chobs and it worked), Banjo-Kazooie, Super Smash Bros and Donkey Kong 64... the list goes on.

And it continued once again when I made the jump to the Gamecube, once again, ignoring the now TWO consoles (the original Xbox and PS2) who were destroying Nintendo in the sales wars like King Kong (Microsoft) and Godzilla (Sony..I'm the cleverest) beating a frail Japanese man over the head with bits of wood, with the man only staying alive by occasionally coughing up a Gameboy or a yellow pocket monster.



But that was the thing y'see. As Nintendo progressively fell from grace in the home console wars, after the heady days of the NES to the almost embarrassing sales lows of the Gamecube, I always continued to stick with them and love their games and their characters like they needed me and I needed them. Even when they kept shedding popular, violent, blood thirsty carnivals of third party titles like a rapidly balding man, it just increased the interest for me to play more Nintendo games and use the wonder of the internet to download games from the last 25 years or so that I'd missed out on.

And this, when, in my experience, they'd never really been the popular choice. Sure, everyone had a Gameboy, but I knew so many more people with Sega Megadrives, with PSones and PS2s. Sonic (who I like, but he's no patch on the sacred plumber) and even bloody Crash Bandicoot (UNBELIEVABLE) were seen as cooler than Mario at school because they weren't fat, moustached Italians. But I never took any notice.

You're thinking why, right? You're not? Well... you are now.



You're the dork Paul!
Y'see, there's something about Nintendo that has always appealed to me. Sure, my Dad shoved the SNES on me because someone at work probably recommended it. And I sure as hell didn't go out and choose it. So yes, perhaps some of why I love Nintendo so much is because it reminds me of my childhood or that I have a brand loyalty for it like people dry hump Apple or McDonalds or something. But I've never been one for that really, I'd gladly buy another PC or burger if it was better (or cheaper.. Rustlers burgers are actually not bad for a quid and you get a piece of plastic cheese AND some knock off ketchup). So it's not that.

It's something to do with the creativity, the magic.. the little in jokes.. the rewards you get from the games. The craziness of it all. I mean COME ON. A monkey who wears a tie. A frog who flys a spaceship. And they're MORE than novelties... they play like a dream. The way they take their core characters and give them their own games and identities. And then there's the beauty. Metroid, Zelda, Pikmin, the original Donkey Kong Country games - the atmosphere, everything just seems to be CONSISTENTLY right. The fact they remain the only first party developer to have an identity with their own consoles to showcase them on.

I love the way there's never any difficulty level in Nintendo games because they can be blasted through as quick as you want, or you can take time to find everything and enjoy the game, and it progressively gets harder as you do. The way that they seem to have a startling record for not making duff games. The sheer playability, fun factor and "pick up and play" value. The way their first party titles can be literally played by anyone and enjoyed at so many levels.



I also have a lot of respect for the way Nintendo shuns gory violence. I get a proper kick out of GTA and Gears of War and all that shooty bloodlust, but I've always admired how Nintendo make pure fun games without resorting to the obvious. Their products have always FELT cool as well. The N64 controller looked like a fucking star ship! And it's not just looks - when have you heard of Nintendo consoles failing to read discs or carts or crashing and glitching? Very rare.

What now?
Anyway, after the Gamecube died on it's sorry arse, the Wii and the DS came a long and everything seemed to change for me. From what I could make of it, it seemed a bit of a cheap novelty. I didn't want to WAVE plastic around or control it like a bloody pen, I wanted to bash it. Why did Wii games look no better than Gamecube games?! And where were all the quirky characters? Bland avatars? Cooking mama? Brain training? Wii Fit? WHERE'S YOSHI?!

From what I've played of both consoles, there's still plenty of good games, and of course, franchises and stuff have carried on. Nintendo by their own admission set their stall out early and told the public they weren't directly competing with the 360 or PS3. So as many people and even itself agree, Nintendo seems to have cast off its hardcore audience these days to cater for the casual gamer, for your Uncle and his mates. It's a bit of a shame really, and the reason why I bought an original Xbox and a 360 - because those heartless bastards cater for my merciless bloodlust and brutal carnage. COS I'M WELL 'ARD!

But I still have faith in Nintendo. When it can pull off such beauty as Hyrule field at dawn in Zelda: Ocarina of Time (still my favourite game of all time) or the addictiveness of multiplayer Super Smash Bros or Pokemon, I know Nintendo will ALWAYS make good games, whether they are hidden among a tidal wave of games which teach you how to tie your hair into knots, or not. I also know they're still making brilliant original games and not just relying on the same old characters that I know and love - Pikmin and the Advance Wars series come to mind specifically and I'm sure the future will bring many more batshit insane franchises. But don't forget Nintendo is probably the best at recycling characters time and time again and still achieving results - the recent Mario RPGs on the handhelds are a testament to this.

Wrap it up Grandad
So this is why I now smile when I see more Wiis in houses than anything else. Or when I type "Mario" into Google. There's MILLIONS of people who still hold Nintendo in high regard and not just skinny emo kids with metal NES controller belts. I mean, you're bound to see at least one Mario and Luigi at a (good) Halloween party.

A good friend from my childhood is alive and well. Perhaps he's gone a little bit off the rails. Perhaps he's a bit money hungry. Perhaps the mainstream respect and success which he's longed for since the mid 90s has gone to his head. But he's not dead. And his soul lives.

And I still love him more than ever.

Thanks.. Shigsy!?



Yes, I stole all these pictures from Google images. Fight me. Watch out next blog (FUCK, ANOTHER?!) where I review some movies or some shit. Bye.

Ey up, eh?

Andddddddddd apparantley, it's Canada Day today, which is a bit apt innit?! Happy one! Here is a stereotype of Canada summed up in a google image. Apologies, it's too hot, my brain is frazzled and I'm feeling slightly xenophobic...

Ey up!

Y'know what?! I'm a creative person. I used to regularly spew forth cartoons, stories, articles, poems, reviews, sketches and videos from the pink sponge inside my skull, but recently it's all gone a bit quiet. I'm not sure if it was the compulsory creativity at uni that dented my mindset or what.

But now it's over.. Annndd... I've passed all my university big boys and I'm back in the creative zone. So here's a brand spanking new blog full of various drivel that will document everything from now until I forget the password.

Cannydar

Yeah, on September the 2nd, I am moving to the second biggest country in the world for up to a year.. (not the second smallest, that's Monaco, they drive pointy cars there and half the population is the king). Why? Basically, the journalism industry is in even more of a crisis than ever what with the economic shitstorm, so I made a decision in January to do something a bit mental to escape being a dolemonkey after I trip over my graduation gown.



So, come September, I'll be doing a mixture of having a lovely fun time in a country I've never been to before, working a bit, travelling a bit and hopefully tattooing maple leafs all over my torso. I'm now in possession of plane tickets and a working visa (thanks to BUNAC's Work Canada scheme) and a cupful of dreams with no sugar (that's reserved for dream cornflakes). I can't bloody wait yeahahhah! So indeed, this blog will basically be centred around the fact I'm going insane. That's why I named it after a pun on my name and meat.

Stay tooned yo!

Love,
Paul

P.S
If you've got the time,please do check out me and my buddies' silly videos , my podcast (if you have a boner for thrash metal) and errr.. my twitter?