TERKERJAWB in TO

"Can I take this popcorn into the cinema?"


Oh, hello there again. Another month goes by, and another month is encapsulated into a short blog post. Well, that's what happens when... typing is a bit of an effort because you have a tiny keyboard?! Scrap that. On with the show.

So, when I last wrote sum werds on dis payge, I had just secured a job at the literal Theatre of Dreams, although not so much Dreams, just a Theatre. And spelt Theater, because apparently it's considered trendy to spell things wrong in North America. And for the past month, a great deal of my time has been spent inside it, selling drinks, popcorn, candy and nachos for RIDICULOUS prices for RIDICULOUSLY poor wages. But in spite of that, the rewards have been good. Plenty of nice colleagues, the bonuses such as; gift vouchers, free films (although I've seen more shite films than good - 2012 and The Men Who Stare at Goats were absolutely diabolical Jeff), the discounted food and free drinks and tea(!!) and finally having (some) money coming in, which has made me solvent in Canada at last. And apparently I will FINALLY graduate from being a popcorn bitch to getting to sweep cinemas and tearing up tickets soon, which almost seems a bigger achievement than graduating with a journalism degree. Sort of.

I have been pretty poor this month though, since the pay is obviously rubbish and shifts vary from plentiful to meagre, but I can afford rent (which I will come to), bargain food, the odd night out, the odd big big purchase and a metropass (godly).
I think the job will work financially for the time being, although with Christmas and some extra jobs coming up (I get to be a hotdog bitch for an NFL game in a couple of weeks, exciting), I should be comfortable like it was bloody September the 3rd all over again. However, I might have to scale down my ambitious plans to travel extensively next year and face the harsh reality that I'll be working somewhere else in this bloody big country at some point. Although...although.. I desperately want to get into bartending or serving or something, because that's where the money is. Tipping is ridiculous here, they tip on everything from coat checking to hairdressing, so I'm trying to crack that market. Failing that, get a journalism job, but.... that'd feel too much like a career.. and that wasn't really the point coming here.

But yes, it appears I am once again living the student lifestyle. Back to noodles, cereal bars and soup, sleeping in until silly times on days off and watching endless amounts of South Park. Only now I have the added bonus of 50 percent off at fast food outlets at work, meaning I get things like Whopper meals for three dollars, which for better or for worse, seem to keep me alive, but ironically, will probably kill me. I now also have more travelling than I did at uni, thanks to the location of my house, but the almighty metropass keeps me in business. Compared to travelling on the London Underground, the TTC (Toronto Transit..Cocks?) seems pretty reasonable to me; $2.75 for ANY journey in one direction, even if you took the subway, streetcar AND the bus, and doesn't give a shit about zoning - even then, people are always complaining about it. True, the system isn't a patch on Lundun's, but there's little complaints from me with this pass though, when you pay $100 a month and then just wave it at some TTC bloke's face and they let you on whatever and go wherever. Magic.

Now the reason I get so much use out of the pass is because of the said location of my house. At the backend of October, I was panicking a bit about finding somewhere to live with the deadline for hostel chucking out creeping up like a really nasty man. I looked around a few places, but finally settled on a quite studenty looking place on Dufferin Street, about 30 minutes from downtown. The rent is reasonable, there's laundry downstairs, the bus outside comes every 5 minutes, my bedroom has a big window and a tv (Canadian TV is still gash though) and there's constantly people around, usually ogling a big projector downstairs, which is a definite bonus. My housemates are cool and massively diverse (Canadian, Irish, French, Russian), a bit like the area itself, which seems to be a poorer version of Little Italy, which is full of fancy shops and shit, whereas my hood is mainly populated with dollar stores, but it's pretty quiet and I've yet to see any shots fired at buses (which has happened in this area before. No, really. And no, this isn't the ghetto at all, so don't...). I could end up moving if I get sick of the journey to work or simply not being close enough to downtown (it sometimes takes one hour getting to work if the bus and two subways decide to be shits) but I kind of like being away from the hassle and the hobos and the looming skyscrapers, so this will do for now thanks.

So yes, it appears I am finally settled in Toronto, with a house and a job and an endless supply of cheap food - I can't give No Frills and (suprisingly) Walmart, enough credit. 79 cent tuna?! Yer 'avin a laugh! And Walmart do bloody George clothes, my mum's choice of christmas present socks and underwear for me since I was five! Just like home!

With being a bit skinter, the fun has taken a bit of a hit recently, but I've still managed to have a right old good time - been oot and aboot a few times - Halloween was a particular highlight where budget zombie costume produced the goods in more ways than one, as was a British poker night where I came third somehow (and then afterwards eating nachos in a bar that served food until 4am, unbelievable) and I've also played a copious amount of Pro Evo at my mate John's place, which has made me think longingly about my Xbox at home, sitting there, not being used, slowing rotting, crying inside. Pain. And of course I've seen loads of films, for free. I also managed to get to my first gig since being over here at the start of November when I saw Gwar at the Sound Academy with my mate Tom, which was absolutely mind-blowing. I think Gwar are possibly my favourite band of all time due to their insane stage shows, and if you don't like them, check this out and then bow to me, cos I'm da best innit.

Toronto seems to have a reputation here for being unfriendly, and sometimes it can definitely appear that way, but I still enjoy the place, and big city living is still a massive novelty for me. Things just never end here. Everything is around the corner. Places you never knew existed become your favourites. And it appears everyone else likes it - at least two Brits I know who have left Toronto for other parts of Canada have since come back - this city is definitely a stable starting block - unfriendly and expensive but welcoming and opportunistic.. juxtapositionmentaltastic. I'll definitely stay here until at least Spring, when my patience for concrete wears thin and I long for bears, mooses and big mountains and shit.

Now, where's my snow you bastard?

Oot and Aboot

"Isn't he cute?" "Not really" "No.. his accent." "Oh.. yeah."

Oh dear, oh dear. This is turning into less of a blog and more of a bloody monthly Reader's Digest. With less.. err.. I dunno, I've never read it. It's got recipes in it hasn't it? Yeah, there's none of them. I'm going to start charging soon. Would you pay? Of course you wouldn't, what a silly thought.

So then right. Since the last time I posted, which is sickeningly over 6 weeks ago, a hell of a bloody lot has happened. Let me take you back to that time. I was still in a horrific hostel by the name of Global Backpackers Village back then, which now I am out of it's sordid grasp, I can honestly say was a complete and utter "sordid little grief hole", as a character played by Chris Morris once said. Oh, for hindsight. Anyway, I left a few days later and moved into another hostel, Hostelling International Toronto, where bizarrely, I still reside.

Anyway, more of that later. Around the time I first joined HI, I was still heavily focused on finding jobs. The endless cycle of CV handing out and bullshit cover letters and stuff isn't fun, and any preconceptions about the recession being any less over here were quickly dashed. Yeah, there is plenty of jobs about, but only with about a hundred billion applicants desperately clambering to make 25 cents by licking the shit off drive-thru banks. Probably.

Drive-thru banks eh. Fucking hell. One thing that hadn't at the time and still hasn't diminished is the sheer hilarity of Toronto. From the ridiculous adverts on TV, to the shop names (Excellent Haircut...Nice One Nails..) to the most insane things you've ever seen like.. a hobo shitting on a church (less funny, more gip-worthy)... they all just give me a very warped view of this city. And I have grown fond of it's twisted ridiculousness. Even the graffiti is better than Britain. I mean, I have genuine respect for people who dawb "Give up, you're too old!" over Jay-Z posters or scrawl "You're ruining our childhood!" over an Astroboy movie poster.

I don't truely believe I'm seeing the real Canada here, and I've heard this view echoed to me by other people. It's not started snowing here yet, it's getting cold a bit (I'm WELL not prepared for that), but Toronto does seem like a bit of any big American city I've seen on TV, with people who say "oot and aboot" and like waving their flags. It's extremely multicultural, which is of course, a good thing (+2 points for my liberalism there), but I think I shall have to wait until next year before I see the whole bear-moose-mountie thing. There's plenty of ice hockey ABOOT EH, but with the form the Toronto Maple Leafs are in, I think I'll steer well clear. Seven losses in a row?! Oh, how I yearn to watch highlights and goals from the INCREDIBLY mighty Leeds ripping up League One at the moment on the BBC Sport website. Bloody restrictions!

Anyway, yes. The job situation grated on me muchly, but plenty of things were going on. I happened to see Ricky Gervais in the street getting out of a limo at the Toronto International Film Festival which was nice, and definitely worth mentioning you "that-isn't-fucking-interesting-Paul"-tossbanana. Socially, I've met a helluva lot of English people this month, including my main boys and current room-mates in the rather nice HI-Hostel, the Room 801 West Yorkshire massive, Dan, Tom and Neil (AKA "the Nesbitt"). Yeah, they come from Bradford. What's that shit?!

I've also had SWAPers coming out of my ears (sadly not in reality yet...er..) and the majority of night outs have included some or all of them. The hostel itself throws up some interesting characters on occasion and we also got taught beer pong by some really quite young college girls before everything sort of went wrong, but that story isn't very interesting. Promise.

But yeah, that's right, I'm still in a hostel after seven weeks. But it's not a case of waking up to find a smelly Chinese bloke going mental inside a dustbin at 6am - after living with another two bloody nice chaps on top of the current Room 801 roster for a couple of weeks at the end of September, we booked into a semi-private room at the start of October, meaning it was just four of us. Cabin fever does occasionally set in, but no one has died. Yet. My bet is on Neil. Things like ninjavideo (New Peep Show is WIZARD!), Chris Morris quotes and a bloody amazing game called Simsoc (much recommended for fans of 96-97 Premiership footballers and early Champ Manager games) do make the time go quicker and provide us all with a bloody laugh. Like Neil.



We've managed a few nice trips during this month though as the job search sort of faltered and then finally succeeded. The CN Tower was a little bit of a let down (it's just a big tower innit) - the views were ok, but I probably would have felt a bit let down had it not cost about 12 dollars thanks to a left voucher from our fleeting friends Ozzie "croc" Melissa and Nic (she was from Bradford, what's that shit again). Niagara Falls was lovely though, despite being a load of old water - it was nice to get out of the city for a day and see some different coloured trees. Some bits were a let down though - the world's most dangerous whirlpool was a complete and utter scam and the supposedly picturesque Town of Niagara was overrun with tourist scum like ourselves. We also went to Woodbine races on Saturday, where we lost loads of money and cried ourselves to sleep on the way home on the bus.

Toronto it seems isn't a huge attraction place, so whilst I'm Toronto, I do plan to get out to some of the other famous cities around here - Montreal, Quebec City and Ottawa (where two of my room mates are currently doing).

So, onto jobs. Ah, firstly, one thing I did manage was to sign up to an agency on the spot in mid-September and find myself serving U2 fans hotdogs at two dates those Oirish dolts did at the Rogers Centre. Not much to report there, but on a side note, I found myself at the Rogers Centre quite a few times after this, bizarrely because I seemed to find myself drawn to baseball. I mean yeah, it could be because it was 11 dollars and I didn't have anything else to do, but the last game I saw was genuinely gripping, and I even ended up buying a Blue Jays watch for work! WORK! Yes, a few weeks ago, I got a call back from Scotiabank cinema, a cinema where I watched Inglorious Basterds at with my mate Mr Daniel Sawicki at the start of September (to review, it was ok, bit over-Tarantino-y, but whatever, I haven't even seen Pulp Fiction and even I made that judgement so it can't have been that good.. I've also seen District 9 which was bloody superb and Zombieland which was alright, wordy reviews over), and they gave me the job straight away at the interview.

In summary, it's minimum wage, and at the moment, I'm not sure I can live off it exclusively. But for what it is, after working about four or five shifts now, I can honestly say it's pretty good for a part time job. I finally get to meet some real Canadians and I get picked up on by my englishness a lot; take a look at that ruddy bold title at the top for a TERRIBLE example, but I reckon it helps - I sold the most popcorn/drink/candy combos last week, which was kind of the corniest and best thing ever, and I got a 25 dollar gift voucher for a restaurant AND I get to see the equivalent of a free film a week, so don't... Also, it means some of those lovely Toronto girls HAVE to talk to me..

In short, yes, I'm a journalism graduate who now works for Cineplex Canada and stinks of popcorn. Wandafideaboudid?!

Anyway, with some income coming in now, and with a bit of luck, an extra bit on the cards if I can find another job for over Christmas, I am in the process (I say process, that mainly just means wasting time on the motherfucking internet)of finding somewhere to live of my own for November.

And that's me for now. The Canadian dream is still alive! Things will change in a few weeks and I'll have to adapt or die. Stay tuned to see if I die. Hope you're having a nice time in Britain and go and check out my photos on Facebook you big spazz!